I spend a lot of time in my job sharing information and resources about how to be an LGBT ally and teaching inclusive behaviour.
However, it recently occurred to me that I’ve never shared any of that on my personal blog.
So I’ve compiled a (non-exhaustive) list of 12 tips on how to be an LGBTQ+ ally. There’s always more we can all do, so if I’ve missed something I’d love you to comment, or message me and let me know what I’ve missed!
Everyone Should Be An Ally
Yes, it goes without saying that all straight people should be allies. But to my LGBT family – I’m looking at you too.
Being an ally and non-LGBTQ+ are not synonymous. As a queer cis-woman I am a trans ally, I am a bi ally, I am an ally for each and every sexual orientation and gender identity.
So often, the discrimination we face comes from others in our own community and we can ALL do better.
Call Out Inappropriate Behaviour
This might seem like the most obvious, and simplest way to be an ally. However, sometimes it’s easier said than done.
Not all behaviours are obviously hurtful. It takes active listening and speaking to LGBTQ+ people to educate yourself and recognise things that are hurtful and harmful to the community.
Diversify Your Social Media Feeds
One of the best ways to be an ally is to learn directly from the people you’re supporting. The best way to educate yourself and understand the experiences and needs of others, is to listen to them.
In this day and age we get so much of our information from social media. So use it to your advantage.
The next time you scroll through Instagram or Facebook take stock of how many people you follow that have an identity different to your own. Personally, I have learned more about being a trans-ally by following trans and gender nonconforming people online than I have anywhere else.
To get you started here is a list of incredible LGBTQ+ blogs and accounts that you should definitely be following.
- @27travels ⠀
- @thekyannasimone ⠀
- @onceuponajrny ⠀
- @twofemmegems ⠀
- @megteneyck ⠀
- @burritoandtortilla ⠀
- @rosieandella ⠀
- @unite_uk1 ⠀
- @lindscale ⠀
- @allieandsam ⠀
- @raffinee ⠀
- @kateaustinn ⠀
- @Ashhardell
- @jessie_and_millie
Engage Others To Be Allies Too
If you hear or see homophobic, transphobic or biphobic behaviour, don’t just call it out. Tell the person why what they did or said was inappropriate.
A lot of homophobia, comes from a place of closed mindedness or misunderstanding. Take these opportunities as learning moments and teach others how to be an LGBT ally.
Educate Yourself
It is not the responsibility of an LGBTQ+ person to explain everything to you. I appreciate the irony of me writing a blog titled “how to be an LGBT ally”. But you can’t expect to be spoon-fed.
If there is terminology, or something you don’t understand, the internet is a marvellous place to find a lot of your answers.
Of course, if someone is happy to answer questions go-ahead. But don’t approach a situation from a place of entitlement to an answer or explanation.
Be Visible
To be an LGBT ally, it’s important that you are visible. We live in a world where it is not yet safe to assume that everyone around us is an ally. Homophobia and transphobia are still far too common.
By being a visible ally, you reassure the LGBTQ+ people around you, that they are in a safe space to be themselves. Whether this means wearing a rainbow lanyard at your work or by sharing resources on your social media.
Being a visible ally means different things to different people, but it’s important however you choose to do it.
Understand That Not All Experiences Are Created Equal
To be an LGBT ally, you must understand that not all LGBTQ+ experiences are the same.
It may sound obvious, but if you’re learning about the obstacles that LGBT people face, it’s important to remember that different people face very different challenges.
As with everything in life, you must be mindful of intersectionality. (Intersectionality Definition: The complex, cumulative way in which the effects of multiple forms of discrimination combine or intersect especially in the experiences of marginalized individuals or groups).
As a white, feminine, lesbian women, I have an entirely different life experience to that of a black trans-man or those who are gender non conforming.
And that’s before you consider our socio-economic backgrounds, the countries we live in, family structure and so many other things.
The more people you speak to and the wider you expand your network, the better an understanding of the LGBTQ+ experience you can get. But it’s important to remember that while there are many shared challenges that the LGBT community face, every single individual is unique.
It Doesn’t Matter Who Is In The Room
I’ve heard it before, the call to allies to “be inclusive because you never know who’s listening.”
I understand the premise. There might be someone who overheard you who is not out, or has an LGBT friend or family member that may be offended by something that was said.
However, to be an ally means calling out inappropriate language or behaviour is regardless of who might hear it. One of my favourite quotes is that “character is who you are when no one is looking.” Be a good human, no matter who may or may not be there to witness it.
Stop Using “Gay” As A Negative Word
There is no two ways about it, it’s homophobic.
I don’t care if it said as a joke, or you didn’t mean it offensively. Correlating being gay with the negativity is harmful, hurtful and it needs to stop.
Phrases like “Does this make me look gay?” or “That’s so gay”, or “Don’t be gay” aren’t acceptable.
When I hear it, something inside me knots up and I immediately feel uncomfortable coming out in that environment. Don’t be the person that forces someone to stay in the closet. Don’t use these phrase and don’t let those around you get away with using them either.
Use Your Platform
The best explanation for an “ally” that I ever heard is that they use their platform and voice to amplify the voices of others that may not always be heard.
This means using your voice in spaces that otherwise might not hear what needs to be said. Perhaps during a meeting at work with senior leaders. Or maybe you have a strong social media following?
We all have privileges and we all have a platform that we can use to amplify the voices of others.
Give Up Your Platform
Go one better than using your platform.
Give it up.
Representation is so important and you can help make that happen. Take note of who is around you when you attend meetings, events or have an opportunity to air your opinion.
Are you speaking on a panel or podcast that is entirely white, cis and able-bodied people?
Are you running an event where all the performers identify as straight?
Can you influence recruitment in your company, and are you hiring a diverse range of people?
Do you work in marketing, and could you use more LGBT influencers, bloggers and creators in your campaigns?
Actively look at where you have a platform that you could give to others, or where you could invite a wider range of experiences and opinions into your team.
Study after study proves that diverse teams are more successful, so it’s not only the right thing to do, but there is a strong business case to do so too.
Not only that, but LGBT people can spot a campaign created by entirely straight people from a mile off. Don’t be hypocritical, invite those that you are marketing to to be part of the creation process.
Don’t Make Assumptions
The fastest way to be an instant ally to a new person you’re meeting or interacting with is to avoid any assumptions.
Use gender neutral language to show you’ve not jumped to conclusions.
For example:
- Instead of “Do you have a boyfriend?” Try “Do you have a partner?“
- Instead of “Mr or Mrs“, ask someone their pronouns.
- Instead of “Mum and Dad” use “Parent”.
So there you have it. 12 ways you can be a better LGBT ally today. I’d love to hear your thoughts on more ideas, because I know there’s more than 12! And I know that I can always be better too.
Drop me a message @TheJennaWay and let me know your thoughts!
While you’re here learning how t be an ally, learn a little bit more about my thoughts on some LGBTQ+ topics:
